I Wished For You

Our family therapist recently suggested a book for us to read together. The book is I Wished For You, An Adoption Story, by Marianne Richmond. I ordered the book on Amazon and received it Monday. Last night I read the book to Joey. He loved it. The story talks about how a little boy bear is a Mama bear's wish come true. The Mama bear tells Barley, the toodler bear, how she wished for him and waited for him and imagined him for so long before she got the amazing news that she would get him. The story made Joey gush. He's in such a great place right now and these things were exactly what he loves to hear. We talked about how I'd wished for two brothers in early elementary school. He asked how I imagined him and I went into great detail about trying to imagine if they'd like sports or video games or arts & crafts. I imagined their room and their toys and their clothes. I thought about what we would do together and how we would laugh and dance and love each other so much. I told Joey that he is my wish come true. He smiled and said "And Josh?" and I said "And Josh." We hugged and kissed and it was bedtime. I hope he slept well and had good dreams.

Tonight I read the book to Josh. I had decided to read it to them separately so we could have separate bonds over it and they could ask different questions. It's always interesting to me what each of them takes from a story and what they ask or tell me. Josh listened. He fidgeted a lot, but he was paying attention. He kept interupting to make comparisons to him and his new monkey, Coco. I gave Coco to Josh for Valentine's Day and I'm so glad he loves Coco so much. But I was hoping he'd take to heart how the story relates to he and I instead of he and his new monkey. I told him how I reacted when I got the call telling me that I was going to get them...how I'd been praying for them for so long...how I cried and laughed and whooped when I heard...and how I'd called my sister and mom and Mel and we'd all celebrated together. When we'd finished the story, I told him I love him SO much and that it was time for bed. When I tucked him in and turned off the light and told him to have sweet dreams he said "You have sweet dreams too." Then I told him I love him, like I do every night. But tonight he said "Mom, I love you too." I smiled and set the door how he likes with about 4 inches open. Then I teared up and appreciated the love. Josh has told me "love you too" quite a few times, but not in a while and never with this much heart. With everything we've gone through lately, it really hit me in the gut and made me believe that everything just might be okay.

I went into my room to change into my nightgown. When I opened the bathroom door, Josh was sitting at the end of my bed waiting for me. He said, "Mom?" and I said "Yes?" and he said "I wished for you too." Whew. If you've been reading this blog for long, you know...wow. After getting him back in bed, I went downstairs to prepare their things for tomorrow.

Josh came to the top of the stairs and called for me. I went over and he asked if he could feed the dogs. Feeding the dogs in the evening is one of Josh's duties, but he often forgets. Him asking to feed them tonight was an indicator to me that he wants things to go back to "normal" and he wants to rejoin the family. For this reason, even though it was past bedtime, I let him come down and feed the dogs. As he filled the food cup for Quincy, he mumbled something. I went over and got close and down on his level and asked what he'd said. He repeated, "You are the most beautiful-ist thing ever." I melted and hugged him and we laughed and kissed each others cheeks over and over. I told him that he is the most beautiful-ist thing ever to me. Then he wanted me to sit in his room while he went to sleep because he felt scared of ghosts and at this point, don't tell him, but he could have anything he wanted...he could have had chocolate!! I hope he sleeps well and has good dreams too!