Giving Adoption Advice

Ha! That’s funny. Me? My little family is just 3 months old. What do I know? In any case, tonight I went to my adoption agency and sat on a panel of adoptive parents telling our stories to the future adoptive parents currently in PRIDE training. I love talking about my experiences so I was happy to go. Naturally, right after I left, I started thinking of things I should have told them or better answers than what I gave. What I did think to do was give them the address to this blog, so maybe I can rectify that here.

I had mentioned my concerns about my large dogs being frightening to the boys when they first met. Then what really happened which was that the dogs were scared to trembling of the noise the boys brought to the house. One of the ladies asked how they are all doing now and how long it took for all of them to feel comfortable. My answer was that Cooper is still a little tentative but they all play and cuddle so I feel like they are doing fine. I don’t think I answered how long that took…which was really just a few days. But there’s actually something else I think that is important.

I tell everyone that I’m adopting the boys. Sometimes I get unexpected help just by being willing to put myself out there that way. My dogs go to Taurus Training and Doggie Play Day every couple of weeks to play with other dogs and burn off energy. The first time we all took the dogs to Taurus, I asked the guy at the front desk if the boys could tour the back so they could understand what Cooper and Quincy were going to be doing all day. They knew that Cooper and Quincy didn’t have little boy owners so we naturally got into a conversation about my adoption. Evidently word got around because the owner, who had originally trained both Cooper and Quincy, sent me an email congratulating me and asking if she could help. She suggested I bring Josh and Joey and the two dogs to Taurus the following Saturday so she could spend some time with them and teach them how to respect large animals so no one would get hurt. We only spent about an hour there, but it was fantastic! Melanie explained that leaning their weight on the dog’s backs is rude to the dogs. She went into detail about how to treat them and not be threatening. I’m not claiming that Josh has never leaned on Quincy again, but much less often and it’s easier for me to get him to stop.

The other thing I thought of that I might have shared was not being prepared for the public bathroom question. I had worked out a lot of things before I got the boys…but I hadn’t even thought of the issue of whether or not I let them go to the bathroom by themselves in public. That very first day that I had them in San Antonio presented this problem to my about 6 times and I think I solved it differently each time. What I knew then was that I just needed a strategy and to stick to it. It almost didn’t even matter what the strategy was. The problem is that I’ve found one strategy doesn’t fit all circumstances. So, I still waver. Based on the vibe of the situation, sometimes I insist them come into the women’s restroom, sometimes I let them go into the men’s together, sometimes I’ll even let them go alone. If the bathroom is a standalone one, I can look in and then let them go. If it’s a larger one, that’s not possible. If it’s a crowded place, I take them in the women’s restroom. I don’t even know all of the criteria for my decisions sometimes, which must be very confusing for Josh and Joey. I know Joey hates going in the women’s restroom. Josh doesn’t really care either way. Josh will even go in a stall with me if we have to and just turn the other way if I need to go, without even being asked, like this had been happening in his life previously and he gets it. That points out another thing I’ll get to in a minute. But for now, I only suggest people who are planning to adopt put some thought into this because it’s very stressful to have to decide at the spur of the moment.

The other thing I’d just thought of is how bizarre it can sometimes be to find that so many things have occurred in their lives that I know nothing about. Little things. Big things. It seems sometimes like we are in a very long interview. I’ll ask them if they know who Michael Jackson is and they’ll do to the moonwalk. Then they’ll ask me if I’ve always had this same car. It’s fun and it’s exhausting. I’m still looking forward to next year or the year after when we have some history to base our relationship on.

It was fun talking to the PRIDE class. I hope I get to do that again! Maybe next time I’ll feel more like I know what I’m talking about. Maybe not.