Does Santa know my new name?

On Sunday morning on the drive to church, Josh and I had the following conversation:
Josh: Mom, does Santa know my new name?
Me: Yes he does. And he knows where you live now too.
Josh: Who told him?
Me: (long pause) Jesus told him. You know that Jesus knows your new name and where you are, right?
Josh: Yes.
Me: Well, Jesus and Santa are tight.
...some silence...
Josh: Ok, so Jesus told Santa my new name and Santa will be able to find me on Christmas.
Me: Yes. Christmas is Jesus' birthday, so Christmas is more about Jesus than it is about Santa.
(Yeah, good try.)

Later that day, we were driving to my parents house with my sister (Aunt Chris) to celebrate Aunt Chris' birthday. Joey started talking about not liking science and Aunt Chris was determined to change his mind. She kept starting conversations with Joey that she knew he would find fascinating and want to know more about and then saying, "Joey, do you know what that is? That's science!" It went on a while and became kind of a joke between them. Josh and I didn't really participate. This was a game Aunt Chris and Joey were playing.

Even later that day, my mom was showing Josh the Christmas decorations. He handled each ornament as high up on the tree as he could reach. Never dislodging any of them. Then this conversation occurred:
Josh: Grandma, I know some science.
Grandma: You do?
Josh: Yes.
Grandma: What science do you know?
Josh: Do you know how Santa Claus knows where we are? God tells him. And that's science!

Mom turned towards me with the biggest grin. Kids can say the cutest stuff!!

Got Milk?

Today Josh was awarded a Pioneer Pride award at school! The award was for having a positive attitude and determination toward learning to read. I'm so proud of him!! To celebrate we went to dinner at Chucky Cheese's. They had been asking to go to Chucky Cheese's and I hadn't yet complied. They were both so very excited to go!

The boys both ordered individual pizzas and milk. Joey has trouble drinking milk out of a carton, so I asked for cups. The staff gave me cups with lids and straws. Perfect. Meghan had met us there for dinner and she filled Josh's milk cup and I filled Joey's. The pizza came and the boys returned from the games to eat. Joey was sitting next to me. He tried the pizza and the milk. He said, "The milk at Chucky Cheese sucks." I didn't really pay much attention. A few minutes later he said "I've found the only thing that's bad at Chucky Cheese...the milk." I looked at the cup and said, "May I have a drink." Yes. So, I took a sip. OH MY GOODNESS!!! Seriously sour milk! Joey giggled at my nasty face and said, "Don't barf Mom." I wasn't sure I wasn't going to. By then I was laughing too. Wow, that’s bad. He laughed more and said he'd almost stopped me, but figured, oh well. And then he said, "You should have believed me." Yes, that's very true. I asked how much of it he had drank. One large sip. I said I was sorry he’d had even that much and that I was also sorry that I had. Meghan took it to the counter and traded it for a good one, but I think both of our appetites for milk had been soured at that point.

I imagine that will be one of those bonding stories that Joey tells for years to come and we both get to laugh about it. What a fun evening!

Money From Friends

What's the deal with my kids and money? Other kids money. The first time Joey brought home another kid's dollar, he tried to hide it from me. Obviously not very well. When I asked him what he'd just stuffed in his pocket, he lied to me about it. When I found it, he said one of the kids at daycare gave it to me.

Why?

I don't know.

I was stumped about what I thought about this. But I knew he couldn't keep it because he'd lied to me about it. I told him I would bring it to daycare the next day and we'd return it to her. And we did. When I handed it to him and told him to return it, she came over and took it back without any expression. I wonder why she gave him a dollar.

Then, a few weeks ago, Joey was having one of his temper tantrums and took all of his allowance money and put it in his pocket. I didn't force him to put it back. I looked for it in his room, just to see if I could figure out his hiding place. Had I found it, I would have left it alone. He needs to trust that I won't take his money, even if I'd be putting it back in his own money envelope. But I didn't find it. About a week later, during a therapy session, he mentioned having given all of his money to his friends. I was really surprised. I asked if he had given it away because he thought I would take it away if he kept it. He said yes. I told him again that I will not take away the money he's already earned. Not for misbehaving. Not to pay restitution for destroyed property. Okay, so here's an example of a kid giving another kid money. I wonder what those kids told their parents.

The next mystery was when Josh came home yesterday with a five dollar bill in his pocket. He pulled it out and told me about it right away. I asked him who gave it to him and he said Lawrence.

Why?

I don't know.

Joey pipes up and announces that I have to let him keep it because he didn't lie about it and try to hide it from me. I don't know what to do about it. I explained to both of them that I'm concerned because bullies get money from other kids through unkind means and that I don't understand why kids keep giving them money. They reiterated that they don't know why the kids give them money, but they aren't bullying anyone or forcing them to.

Huh. Any ideas what I should do?

Dazed and Confused

I haven't been blogging lately because so much is going on and I don't know what to say about it. This new life is truly a roller coaster. We are having many days that are so much fun, but they are interspersed with some horrible clashes. The boys are still taking turns misbehaving. But the temper tantrums are rising to new levels. I, on the other hand, am doing an increasingly good job of pretending it doesn't bother me. Ha!

I like to think I'm not too materialistic and the boys mean more to me than any possession I could possibly have. But...I've been living alone for 9 years where no one broke anything but me. So when Joey puts my home telephones in the dog bowl to punish me or Josh makes a gash in my brand new dining room table with the sharp, eraser-less end of a pencil, it does hurt me...even though I have to pretend it doesn't bother me at all. This is something I'm struggling with. The stuff does not matter more than the boys...but it doesn't matter zero either. I've worked very hard to live in a nice home with nice furniture and such. And if they destroy it all, I will still find ways to love them through that. On the other hand...I really hope they don't.

Josh is having a really hard time. He has started copying Joey's temper tantrums to the best of his tiny frame's ability. He screams "Meany" and "I hate you" and "I just want to die". All of which he got from Joey. And Joey has been ramping up at such a velocity that the psychiatrist has put him back on meds. He's extremely unhappy about that. But, so far, he's taking them without incident.

On the fun side, we went to a UT football game with the whole family that was tons of fun. We went to the Pond Springs Fall Festival at their school and played games and really enjoyed ourselves. They are loving rock climbing and Fit Academy and Chess Club.

The good parts are really good and the bad parts are really bad. Extreme times.

Eating Veggies

Once I received the same advice on how to get Josh and Joey to eat vegetables five times, it was time to try it out….and I’m telling you, this is GENIOUS! Get the individual cups of peanut butter, some ranch dressing, cottage cheese, whatever you can think of to dip veggies into. Then clean and chop up or slice a variety of fruits and veggies: carrots, celery, cauliflower, broccoli, cucumber, grapes, apples. Serve up a Dipping Dinner! Get into the fun of trying new combinations.

When I tried it with Josh and Joey, Joey’s first reaction was “There’s something wrong with this dinner! It’s missing the good part.” I just ignored him and kept preparing dinner. Once we started eating, he LOVED it! They both had tons of fun dipping and crunching. We had invited my sister, their Aunt Chris, over to eat with us. Josh enjoyed counting to 3 and having us all crunch our veggies on 3. When we left the table, we were all stuffed and happy. What a difference from the usual vegetable battle! Thank you to all that had given me the suggestion. Genius!!

Giving Adoption Advice

Ha! That’s funny. Me? My little family is just 3 months old. What do I know? In any case, tonight I went to my adoption agency and sat on a panel of adoptive parents telling our stories to the future adoptive parents currently in PRIDE training. I love talking about my experiences so I was happy to go. Naturally, right after I left, I started thinking of things I should have told them or better answers than what I gave. What I did think to do was give them the address to this blog, so maybe I can rectify that here.

I had mentioned my concerns about my large dogs being frightening to the boys when they first met. Then what really happened which was that the dogs were scared to trembling of the noise the boys brought to the house. One of the ladies asked how they are all doing now and how long it took for all of them to feel comfortable. My answer was that Cooper is still a little tentative but they all play and cuddle so I feel like they are doing fine. I don’t think I answered how long that took…which was really just a few days. But there’s actually something else I think that is important.

I tell everyone that I’m adopting the boys. Sometimes I get unexpected help just by being willing to put myself out there that way. My dogs go to Taurus Training and Doggie Play Day every couple of weeks to play with other dogs and burn off energy. The first time we all took the dogs to Taurus, I asked the guy at the front desk if the boys could tour the back so they could understand what Cooper and Quincy were going to be doing all day. They knew that Cooper and Quincy didn’t have little boy owners so we naturally got into a conversation about my adoption. Evidently word got around because the owner, who had originally trained both Cooper and Quincy, sent me an email congratulating me and asking if she could help. She suggested I bring Josh and Joey and the two dogs to Taurus the following Saturday so she could spend some time with them and teach them how to respect large animals so no one would get hurt. We only spent about an hour there, but it was fantastic! Melanie explained that leaning their weight on the dog’s backs is rude to the dogs. She went into detail about how to treat them and not be threatening. I’m not claiming that Josh has never leaned on Quincy again, but much less often and it’s easier for me to get him to stop.

The other thing I thought of that I might have shared was not being prepared for the public bathroom question. I had worked out a lot of things before I got the boys…but I hadn’t even thought of the issue of whether or not I let them go to the bathroom by themselves in public. That very first day that I had them in San Antonio presented this problem to my about 6 times and I think I solved it differently each time. What I knew then was that I just needed a strategy and to stick to it. It almost didn’t even matter what the strategy was. The problem is that I’ve found one strategy doesn’t fit all circumstances. So, I still waver. Based on the vibe of the situation, sometimes I insist them come into the women’s restroom, sometimes I let them go into the men’s together, sometimes I’ll even let them go alone. If the bathroom is a standalone one, I can look in and then let them go. If it’s a larger one, that’s not possible. If it’s a crowded place, I take them in the women’s restroom. I don’t even know all of the criteria for my decisions sometimes, which must be very confusing for Josh and Joey. I know Joey hates going in the women’s restroom. Josh doesn’t really care either way. Josh will even go in a stall with me if we have to and just turn the other way if I need to go, without even being asked, like this had been happening in his life previously and he gets it. That points out another thing I’ll get to in a minute. But for now, I only suggest people who are planning to adopt put some thought into this because it’s very stressful to have to decide at the spur of the moment.

The other thing I’d just thought of is how bizarre it can sometimes be to find that so many things have occurred in their lives that I know nothing about. Little things. Big things. It seems sometimes like we are in a very long interview. I’ll ask them if they know who Michael Jackson is and they’ll do to the moonwalk. Then they’ll ask me if I’ve always had this same car. It’s fun and it’s exhausting. I’m still looking forward to next year or the year after when we have some history to base our relationship on.

It was fun talking to the PRIDE class. I hope I get to do that again! Maybe next time I’ll feel more like I know what I’m talking about. Maybe not.